Train Your Brain

 

My brain always goes to the darkest conclusions first. I assume we're all guilty of that on occasion, but man, mine does it every time. Even on the smallest things. Let me give you an example. Last week, I opened my main door, looked outside, and saw that my garbage can was gone. I only have one garbage can, so I was instantly upset. What should've been a minor inconvenience turned into my inner-macabre being unleashed. Where was I going to put my garbage now? What if the neighborhood animals got into the bags and made a mess? Who would steal someone's garbage can?

I started wondering if my property wasn't safe anymore. I was going back into my security camera footage to find out who took it, but I couldn't place a culprit. Were people emerging in the middle of the night to steal my stuff? Was anything else missing? Was it someone I knew? As I started furiously logging into Amazon to buy a new can, my ride pulled up. When I went outside to leave, I saw my garbage can, twenty feet away. The wind had blown it down the steps and off the landing. 

This type of quick, dark, doom-thinking applies to me in many areas. How long will I have to wait for my rides? Am I going to be on the phone all day with the gas company for their billing error? I have a client deadline that I'll never make on time. We often sensationalize things to be worse than they are. Sometimes, that thing you've put off for six months actually only took ten minutes to do. Maybe that hangout that you had been dreading going to was actually quite fun. Maybe that billing error will end in your favor. But human nature says that we tend to bellyache over the simplest things, and allow our anxieties to make those molehills into mountains that cause us self-loathing.

We (myself included) need to work more to train our brains upon the potential positive outcomes. Sometimes, simply attacking things head on will save us time and heartache if we simply start doing them. So the next time that something relatively minor happens, pause. Breathe deeply. Take a second to assess and start gathering the information you need. Ask yourself how much time it'll take. Maybe it's only one night of your life. Maybe it's only ten minutes. Maybe you can knock out one piece at a time, making the task into easily attainable, smaller goals. Training our brains in this way will save us anxiety, and getting these tasks done will give us a sense of pride and accomplishment. Now I'm going to check on my garbage can.

Love yourselves, and each other,
Jason Burke

Pick Your Good Days

 Right now, it goes without saying that we're battling a lot of demons in the world around us. A lot of us have anxiety and depression that tug at us in the back of our minds/bodies on a daily basis. That's exacerbated during this pandemic era, as we are kept in the house, away from the friends and events that break up the monotony. We're politically divided, and our schedules can't flow the way they normally would with the virus still at large. So how do we manage our mental health against our panic and our stacking to-do lists? Quite simply, we have to pick our good days.

During this weird time in 2021, we're not going to be fully functional every day, and that's okay. Some days, getting out of bed will be enough. Other days, staying in bed to rest is the wise choice. And then on occasion, our hyper-productive instincts will kick in, catching up on our work and filling us with the energy to move mountains. The key to wading through that range of emotion is two-fold. You have to listen to what your body is telling you, and you have to be content with whatever your results are. 

They say you can't pour from an empty cup, meaning you can't give an energy and an effort that aren't there. Your health is the most important phase of your existence, and your productivity doesn't define who you are. We've talked in the past on this blog about setting small goals/lists for yourself and rewarding yourself for accomplishing tasks, so I won't go over those again. But I will say this: don't judge yourself for having a day/week where you don't "get anything done". Sometimes your top task isn't to progress your art or clean your house, sometimes it's simply to get your mind/body back to a rested and peaceful state. 

So pick your good days. When you're feeling clear, throw that pot of coffee on, turn that music up, and chip away at your list. When the world is getting you down, grab a pizza and binge some Netflix, but remain guilt free knowing that tomorrow is another chance to be productive. When you're mentally drained and physically hurt, grab a long bath and bury yourself in a fort of blankets. You're doing the world a favor by recharging yourself, because your friends and family need you to care for yourself so that you can care for them later. Trusting yourself without judging yourself is so important in today's world. 

I hope that today is one of your good days. And if it's not, maybe it will be tomorrow. 

Love,

Jason Burke     

How To Make Your 2021 Matter

Every year around this time, we start hearing the painfully repetitive "new year, new me" diatribe. I've already covered in my previous New Year's blog ("New Year, Same Me") how the simple changing of the calendar has no bearing on our fortune. The year does not dictate how your life runs, and the flipping of dates will not change your luck. It's your attitude and your activeness that will make this year the best year of your life, and nothing more. You alone dictate how your days will go. So let's look at some ways that you can actively make 2021 feel like a fresh start.

1. Declutter Your Life

I've discussed this one in previous blogs, but decluttering is one of the most purposeful and active ways to clean out your literal baggage. Clean your area, organize your drawers, and get rid of things you never use. Head into 2021 with a fresh start. Not only will this help you to make the most of the things you really want to use, but it will make you feel way lighter and more accomplished. A crowded area can be stressful and can cause actual emotional baggage. So take one room per day, even if it's just for an hour, and begin to tidy up your physical life. You'll feel better instantly and you'll be able to focus on other tasks quickly.

2. Surround Yourself With Quality People

The company that you keep will really affect your mood. When you look back each year over your "year in review", you often think of the people you met and the memories you made. So the new year is a great time to start taking in positive vibes from positive people. Take some time to schedule hangouts with friends whom you miss. Take 15 minutes per week and call or video chat a friend who lives far away. Google search creative hangout ideas. Distance yourself from people who give you negative energy or make you feel hard to love. You'll be surprised at how much more you appreciate yourself when you have positive and accomplished people in your life. 

3. Take Steps Toward The Body You Love

With an overwhelming number of the people I council, one of their biggest regrets is their body. Most people aren't in the kind of shape they want to be in, and the common excuse is "I have no time to work out". To that I say, make time. Your health and your body are the single most important thing, because if you aren't feeling healthy, then you can't give your best to your job, your family, or any other tasks in your daily life. Whether it's walking around the kitchen, doing a 20 minute yoga session, YouTubing a 10 minute stretch routine, or getting to the gym when you can, you have to make your health a priority. Otherwise you won't be here long enough to cultivate all other the things you're working toward.   

4. Replace Your Scrolling

A big part of our unhappiness is because of how we spend our "down time". We tell ourselves we're too busy to cook or clean or work out or see friends, but how much time do you spend idly scrolling on mindless apps like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram? How much time did you spend comparing yourself to someone else's status in 2020? Replace that useless intake and self-loathing with things that can sanctify your spirit. Buy something on Amazon to aid your rest. YouTube a new artsy skill like learning an instrument or drawing. Google knowledge by typing questions you've always wanted the answers to. Replacing that comparison to others with things that will make your mind or body more full, will truly be a better use of your time.

By putting these things into place, we've improved our homes, our social lives, our bodies, and our minds. Even by taking ten minutes per day on each, you'll notice a remarkable difference in the way you tackle your day-to-day life. That way, you can truly see changes forming as you make 2021 into your best year ever.   

The Power of Thought

I guess we all wake up with a different mindset than we used to, due to the pandemic. But what are the first thoughts to enter your mind as you open your eyes and your day begins to come into focus? The answer to that question may be impacting a lot more than you think.

First off, I'm sure most of us aren't getting enough sleep. As a child I used to hate sleeping, and if there's one thing I've learned as an adult, it's that we're ALL tired, ALL the time. With a lot of our lives, the wiggle room for extra sleep doesn't really exist. So we wake up tired, cursing ourselves for staying up to eat a 2AM snack and binging season 4 of that Netflix show the night before. Then we start to collect ourselves as our eyes adjust to the unforgiving light that's peering through our windows. That's the point when your thoughts really start to matter. Are you waking up stressed and dreading the day ahead, or are you looking at it as an opportunity to accomplish a ton of tasks?

There's an old saying: "Life is 10% of what happens to us, and 90% of how we react to it." There's no sugar-coating the fact that we're going to have some tough days. We're going to be busy, and it's going to seem like there's no way to knock out all of the many things we have to do on a given day. Life is going to throw more responsibilities on your already crowded plate. But how do you consume a plate when it's full? One bite at a time. 

Instead of waking up thinking "Oh God, this day is going to suck," try thinking "I'm lucky to be alive and to have the ability to do these things," and "I have a lot to do today, let's start with this thing first." Granted, I'm not trying to minimalize people's personal struggles or anxieties. But simple things like recounting your blessings and organizing a schedule can make an insurmountable day feel like an accomplished one.  First, think about the positive things in your life. Whether it's family, friends, pets, health, art, or whatever, we all have things to be thankful for. That alone is worth taking a deep breath and marinating in. Secondly, making a formal list of your tasks and taking them one at a time makes a huge difference. You'll be able to focus better on a singular job, and you'll start to feel lighter as you cross things off throughout the day.

It all comes back to that opening thought. Again, I know that mental health and trauma are far more complex than telling yourself it'll be okay. But starting your day off with the thought that it's going to suck, almost always ensures that it will. Attitude makes an impact, and your mind can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you take the time to appreciate you, and find a system that works for your productivity, you'll have a greater sense of pride and achievement. Starting your day off with a "Big day ahead, let's kick its butt" goes a long way toward a healthier mind and body. I wish you all productive days ahead.

Love yourselves, and each other,

-Jason Burke

Routines Lead To Dreams

Last time we spoke on here, I talked about the importance of filling your time with worthwhile things. Using this pandemic shutdown as a catalyst to catch up on the many things we've fallen behind on (family, housework, art, self-care) is good for not only our sense of productivity, but our personal health. Now we've gotten the news that some establishments are shutting down again, as the cases spike. It seems we may even be reverting back to a "yellow phase" of sorts. It's deflating, and it can throw us off of our game-plan. But routines lead to dreams.

What do I mean when I say "routines lead to dreams"? I mean the things we do every day, the ins and the outs of the grunt work, prepare us to have the lives we've always wanted. It's the work we do today that gets us ready for tomorrow. It would be so easy to feel defeated right now and just lay on the couch in a pit of self-pity. And from time to time, that's okay. We need days like that to recharge. But we also need to refocus. Life is all about finding the blessings inside the stressing.

So go for a walk, even if it's around the block or at the park down the street. Be out in the fresh air and get your blood flowing. That has a way of providing a sense of clarity and peace. Lay on your bed and think. But not about the things you did wrong in third grade, or about what you're ordering for takeout tonight. Think about the people in your life that love you, and the things that you've done that you should be proud of. Having alone time in the stillness really gives our bodies rest and resets our minds. 

Avoid your phone. I say this one out of experience. Not only is the constant need to scroll and fill notifications harmful to your posture, but it's stressful and gives in to the comparison sin. It's a time-waster that does nothing but begat jealousy and gossip. If you feel a need for companionship, make a phone call or do a Skype/Zoom chat to see a loved one. Don't allow this social setback to revert you back to harmful habits. Do the things that make you feel fulfilled and joyous. 

Getting into a daily routine will give you added reasons to get up in the morning. You'll be passing the time while feeling better, both physically and mentally. Make friends with your art again and reconnect with those that you've missed lately. Set aside time to cook and read and plant and explore. Get a calendar or a planner and start filling it in. The world will heal, just like you're healing every day. If you continue to set daily goals, it lays the foundation for a productive re-entry into society. You will come out of this better and more well-rounded, if you allow yourself to. Routines lead to dreams.  

The World Is On Fire, What Do We Do?

Hello, my friends and Valued Readers. It's safe to say that a lot of us are experiencing more turmoil and country-wide divide this week than we have in our lifetimes. Innocent people are being killed. Protests and riots are sweeping the country. The President is close to declaring martial law. Social media is a nasty place, full of threats and opinions. And all of this is happening while Covid-19 is still infecting people. I'm sure these things have sent a lot of us into a dark inward spiral of anxiety and emotions. We are overwhelmed with sad news and information, and there seems to be no escape or end in sight. So how do we cope? What do we do next?

First off, this blog is not going to encompass personal opinions. My self-help writings aren't meant for politics, race relations, or a platform to pick sides. I'm here to help people channel their feelings and push through their tough times. So let's take a quick look at how we can feel better and make a difference. Turning off social media to decompress is important. It's important any time, but especially when it's breeding so much negativity into your life. You're not running away from the problems, you're simply recharging yourself and getting your head into a more relaxed space. So for a few days, replace your normal social media time with naps, showers, reading, housework, TV, or whatever will decompress your mind and body. Focus on you and how you feel, and engage in more beneficial conversations for your mental well being. Don't allow anyone to force you into conversations that can harm your health.

Donate. Some people like to join the protests and rallies. If that's for you, then by all means, do it. But if you're physically or mentally unable to be in the middle of those crowds, there are other ways to help. Maybe you're really into a particular cause and you want to give money to a certain business/organization. Do your research to make sure your time/money is going directly to the source, and give what you can. This is an instant way to help being part of the solution and helping people, without having to engage your world in potentially harmful things.

Vote. No matter what side of the fence you fall on, there's a good chance that you're likely discontent with how things are going in the world right now. Again, spend some time researching the issues that you care about so that you can pick the candidate who best supports your platform. We are very blessed to live in a "free country", so our only civic duty is to pick our leaders. We have primaries coming up, as well as the final election in November. This is the most effective way to have your voice heard and to work toward a positive change. Every vote matters. Don't believe the outdated rhetoric that "every politician is crooked" or "your vote is useless because your candidate lost". If we don't have a hand in picking our leaders, we have no right to complain over how they lead. Don't lose your voice.

Through these things, you will not only feel more rested mentally, but you'll feel more accomplished for having done your part to help the things you love. You'll have made an effort to put yourself at peace, and then made an effort to bring some positive change into not only your life, but the lives of those around you. I hope you're staying safe. Love yourselves, and each other.

-Jason Burke

Love Lost, Is Love Found

There may be nothing more heartbreaking in the world than the end of a relationship. Of all the different tragedies I've spoken about on here, there's something particularly upsetting about lost love. At least in death, we have some type of closure (albeit an uneven one). At least in distance, we can blame the miles between us for not being able to be as active in someone's life. But when there's a breakup, especially an unexpected one, something about it is lingering and unfair, leaving an almost physical pain to go with the emotional one. But as the pain dulls in time, we see that maybe not every effect of a breakup is a terrible one.

We've all been there at least once in our lives. We think we've found our person. Everything seems to cosmically click into place and it all lines up powerfully. We mesh with that person and we even love all their little quirks. We think to ourselves "This person is the one. This person is my person." Then, after months or even years of happiness, they are inexplicably ripped away. They cheated or they changed, or you simply outgrew them. It's a natural order of life, but that doesn't make it any easier. Now you're angry. You feel stupid for being wrong for so long. You feel sad for all the plans that will never happen. You feel empty because your entire daily routine is different now. You feel pain in your heart and restlessness in your mind. You feel like it will never go away. And for a long time, it doesn't.

Now I'm not going to get all Christian on you here. I won't talk about how God had a different plan for you and how He was leading you to your real person. You can rest easy. I'm also not going to spout the old "time heals all wounds" trope, even though it's partially true (to an extent). But what I will say is, that love lost, is love found. What do I mean by that? It's simple. With your partner gone, you have another chance to fall in love with YOU all over again. You have a lot of extra time to devote and love to give, so you can use those to ease the stresses of your own life.

You can focus a little harder on your work to help distract you from the recent changes. You can rediscover hobbies that you'd forgotten about. You can reconnect with old friends who can lighten your burden with similar stories of their own. You get to fill that extra time with all the other things you love, that maybe you'd neglected since your partner didn't share in the joy of them. You get to contemplate your next steps and remember all the things about yourself that you loved. That's the love that you find when you realize that you can count on yourself, too. You aren't one half of a couple, you are one whole you. And that's pretty fantastic.

So take a week to grieve. Feel sad, feel angry, feel melancholy, feel lethargic. Feel, breathe, process, and rest. But then, take the steps to remember who you are. Surround yourself with the things and the people that make you feel PROUD to be you. Then you get to be happy in those quiet moments when you're alone. When you've come to see that love lost, is love found.

-Jason Burke