Boredom Isn't Real

Covid 19. I'm sure you've all heard of it by now. We can't open our phones or turn on the television without hearing about the Coronavirus every four seconds. It's a worldwide pandemic that's shut down our social engagements, our work schedules, and quite frankly, our lives. It's the equivalent to a zombie apocalypse scare that's kept us boarded in our homes like a George Romero movie. While precaution and information are real and important measures, I'm not here to further the endless watering down of this disease with scare tactics. What I'm here to do is to get us to use this downtime in the most effective ways. In every tragedy, there's an opportunity. But in every tragedy, there's also a myriad of different reactions by different types of individuals. I want to debunk one of the most common statements I've seen lately: "I'm so bored". Let me be harshly direct here, boredom isn't real.

Yes, everyone is entitled to deal with tragedies in their own manner. An abrupt change in our daily lives is a jarring and stressful thing. But inside this scary abyss lays a blessing. Since some of us are being forcefully halted from work, and all of us are being locked out of our social gatherings, we have a sudden surplus of time thrown into our laps. How we choose to spend that time is up to us. But to waste it laying around in boredom, is another form of tragedy. Let me delve into why boredom isn't real.

I don't want to lose some of you here with this potentially divisive hot-take, but I must be harsh in order to be clear. People that say they're "bored" are either lazy, confused, or dreadfully unimaginative. There are an endless cornucopia of options at your feet, even when you're stuck in the house. How about taking the time to learn that instrument you've always wished you could play? How about writing, whether it's a new book/movie or poem/journal? What about painting or drawing? With endless time and endless "how to" tutorials on the internet (like WikiHow and YouTube, for starters), we have thousands of teachers and examples for everything you could ever want to learn.

But let's take the creatives out of this for a second. Not everyone is born with the same type of ingenuity or creativity. There are still a plethora of things to catch up on. What about calling that relative you've been promising to stay in touch with? What about cleaning out the garage and finally getting to that kitchen reorganization project? Why not start reading that stack of books on the shelf that are collecting dust? How about looking online for some workouts you can do to stay in shape while the gyms are closed? Now I get it, some people aren't lazy, they just simply don't know where to start. For those people, I implore you to make a list. Sit down and organize a list of things that need done so that you can fill your time productively. You'll feel better and more accomplished instead of overwhelmed in front of the news media.

I'm not shaming the people that want to do self-care things either. There's nothing AT ALL wrong with getting more sleep, binging some movies and playing some video games. We need time to be in ease and enjoyment as well. It's about a healthy balance. So instead of being glued to the TV and feeling helpless, start to fill these valuable days with things that will make you feel less stressed and more useful. As the nation heals from this virus and time passes, we can do the things that start to make our lives feel more complete as well. These are the times that we create the building blocks that will be the foundation that we bounce back on. Be well, my friends. Every day is one step closer to healing.

-Jason Burke 

You Can't Control Others

This is one of the hardest lessons I'll ever talk about on this blog. Not just because it's a disheartening thought that can make you feel both irate and defeated all at once. But mainly because it's a lesson that I haven't quite mastered yet myself. I'm learning and relearning it every day of my existence, and it never stops being cruel. How you treat others has no bearing on how they will treat you. That is a point that I will emphasize over and over in this writing. It doesn't matter what you do, people will respond to you however they want to. 

This cold but realistic principle holds true in any type of relationship. Let's first look at dating. Have you ever been in a relationship where you did everything possible for your partner, and yet they still cheated on you? What about going out of your way to sacrifice and create special moments, only to have your partner nitpick something and ruin the night? That is intrinsic to the human condition of most people. Everyone is wired differently, and not everyone holds the same levels of priority and appreciation. Just because you're giving graciously, does not mean they will be good receivers. 

The same thing goes for friendships. Someone asks you for advice on a rough situation they're in, so you drop whatever you're doing to talk on the phone with them for hours, or put your own work on hold to meet them for drinks. You talk until you're blue in the face, and it seems they've understood and listened to you. Then they turn around and either entirely ignore your heartfelt advice, or somehow make you the scapegoat because you didn't say exactly what they wanted to hear. What about jobs? We often stay late to work overtime, sacrificing our bodies and social lives. This in turn, doesn't get us the adulation and bonus check we deserve, but instead more work and more stress while others call off around us. Unfair, isn't it? But that's the shattering truth here. How you treat others has no bearing on how they will treat you.

Until this thought kicks into your own brain, you will continue bending over backwards and feeling helpless at the result. Not everyone will think or react like you, and you have to stop assuming they will. It doesn't matter how many selfless things you do for someone, it may not be the exact selfless act that they want in that moment. Or there may be one time that you can't help someone, and suddenly they'll focus on that instead of the thousand times that you did help. How do you get over the hurt of that? Quite honestly, you don't. It may get easier in time, but it will always sting every time it happens. That's the vulnerability of human nature. But instead I offer a counter to help heal you. Do those things anyway, but do them for YOU. 

It's true: How you treat others has no bearing on how they will treat you. So maybe you can't win someone's love or appreciation with the things you do for them. But what's also true is that you can define who you are by being someone who loves and helps other people. People suck sometimes, but you can feel better in knowing that you did all you could to make their lives better. So maybe you lost your partner who you gave everything to, but at least you don't have to wonder what else you could've done. Maybe your friend ignored your advice, but take solace in knowing that you gave your best words to comfort them when they needed you. Being a good friend and a good partner says more about you than it does about anyone else. Be proud of yourself for the quality human being that you are. The beauty is in the attempt, no matter what the results are. So focus on the fact that you gave, no matter how they received. That mentality will eventually garner you not only happier relationships with better quality people, but also a newfound pride in yourself for doing the right thing no matter the circumstance. 

I hope you all will learn this as I do my best to learn it along with you. Peace and love everyone, and please stay healthy and safe during this Coronavirus scare. 

-Jason Burke