As the calendar once again marches toward the end of December, you'll notice an abundance of "new year, new me" posts on your social media feeds. I posted a blog last year about why the change of year doesn't have any bearing on your choices and lifestyle. But the turnover COULD provide the impetus for a fresh start, if you choose to take action. Before you start pretending like the year is the reason for your misfortunes, realize that time is mostly a pressurized concept that we apply to ourselves. But our human nature dictates that we must compete with others and do things by a certain clock, and the stress of meeting those self-imposed deadlines can destroy us. Let's look at some ways for you to actively make 2019 a great year, instead of just talking about it.
1. Enter The Year Without Clutter
I talk a lot about clutter in these blogs. Clutter is extra baggage that we carry around that weighs us down and puts unnecessary pressure on us. Clutter can be found in the form of a disorganized home, toxic relationships, extra bills, or needed closure, among other things. About twice a year I go through my life and de-clutter. I delete old messages, clean up my social media, empty out my old bill drawers, and rid my life of toxic people who are hurting me. There's always a sense of pride and calmness that goes into having a tidy life, and doing that to kick off the new year may give you a sense of a fresh start. Get rid of the unneeded weights in your life so that you can access all the things you need in 2019.
2. Take Pride In Your Body
A lot of our self-worth can be tied to our bodies in today's world. A lot of us are constantly without energy and constantly down on ourselves due to our image. Loving your body, for WHATEVER it is, will raise both your self-esteem and your energy. Now, that's easier said than done, I know. But there's no better time than the new year to start (and stick to) a plan that benefits you. If you're having body pain that circulation and weight have a bearing on, start on a gym membership. If you're tight and need to move around after sitting at that desk job all day, there's a plethora of yoga options to try out. If you feel like you'd have more body confidence after dropping ten pounds, walk around the block daily and adopt a diet plan. All of our bodies are different, but they shouldn't be a source of stress or pain to us. Some people are restricted to the types of things they can do to feel healthier. If you're not, now is a great time to check out what works for you. You'll notice so many improvements in the coming weeks and months.
3. Happiness: The Most Important Goal
What would my self-help blog be without a reference to happiness? I assure you, this isn't an after-school special on PBS. But the biggest way to ensure that you're a happier and more productive person in 2019 is by seeking out the things you love, and cutting out the things that breed anger and sadness. That's the principal that this whole blog series was founded upon. Now you're saying "this one seems too general, what does it mean?" Well, it means if you hate your job, actively start the process of finding and applying for a new one. It means if you're in a friendship or relationship that's one-sided and constantly negative, end it. It means if you have a project you've been dying to get to but have been putting off for years, force yourself to start it. Even if it means just 15 minutes per day. It means taking the time to forgive yourself, and forgive others. Don't just say "everything's bad" and play the victim, and don't just absorb the negativity with a bad attitude. Sit down and examine what is wrong in your life, WHY it's wrong, and map out what you can DO to fix it.
Taking action is the only way to create change. You can't speak it into existence, and you can't just expect a new year to bring new fortunes. But by identifying the areas that need improvements and taking steps to make those improvements happen, you'll quickly notice that 2019 could be the year for a "new" you. Thank you all for reading my blog this year, and I wish you all a successful and love-filled new year. See you in 2019.
-Jason Burke
Friday, December 28, 2018
Wednesday, August 29, 2018
Spotting A Toxic Relationship
Love is perhaps the most powerful and sought-after emotion on the planet. No matter how independent or otherwise prioritized we are, the overwhelming majority of us want to find romantic love at some point in our lives. The desire to find someone to share our trials and triumphs with is human nature in its purest form. But sometimes, we get blinded by those desires. We get so caught up in finding a mate or having a quick connection with someone that we overlook signs that this person isn't the right one FOR US. There could be a million excuses to ignore the signs: you may have property, finances, a pet or a child with this person. You may hate the dating scene or want to avoid a messy break-up. You may not want to be alone, or force yourself to see only the good in this partner. But a toxic relationship is truly a stressful and dangerous thing that needs to be taken care of immediately. Here are some signs for spotting this kind of situation in your life.
1. Being scolded for having friends: This one is the most common in toxic partners. People that are toxic in relationships are often very possessive, and want your attention entirely on them. So they'll get extremely angry or jealous when you go to spend time with a friend. Our friends help us through tough times and make up a part of who we are in our memories and experiences. Our partners should love us for having friends, and be happy that we have people in our lives that care about us. The toxic partners will try to take those away and make you feel guilty for being around them, because they want you to be entirely dependent on them alone.
2. Being spoken to disrespectfully: Having arguments in relationships is totally healthy. No two people will ever agree on every single issue. But as adults, we must always be respectful of others' feelings and cognizant of their tender spots. A toxic partner is one that will start swearing at you, being very aggressive, and taking low shots at things that you're sensitive about. Toxic people want the upper hand, and they'll do or say irrational things to get that advantage. They'll store up a list of your faults and use your shortcomings against you, and then apologize later as they try to rationalize why they said it, and deflect the blame onto you. This process repeats itself in any point of contention, so the more passive partner just gives in because they want to avoid a fight. This is verbal and emotional abuse, and can be often times just as harmful (or worse) than physical abuse.
3. Only doing what one partner wants to do: Functional relationships thrive on compromise, a healthy give-and-take between two open-minded people who want to experience the things that the other loves. This can't be a one-sided construct. So if one partner is a homebody and the other is a social butterfly, it takes work to occasionally leave your comfort zone to appease your partner. That butterfly shouldn't be forced to sit in the house every night, and that homebody shouldn't always be drug to the bar. You should be able to converse about how to alternate these activities so that neither partner has to sacrifice who they are or feel stifled. Also, you should be able to do things on occasion without your partner. A couple doesn't have to be attached at the hip 24/7. Independence and separate hobbies/friends is healthy concept.
4. Having to change your behavior: Positive relationships will help you to learn a lot about yourself and evolve. You'll find things out about yourself and your partner that you love, and some that you don't like. So you'll work together through kind communication to be a better person for yourself and for your loved one. But if you're having to cease a normal lifestyle because your partner will fight with you, that's where the unhealthy abuse comes in. If you have to check in every hour, that's abuse. If you can't go out for coffee with family or sit in silence for a twenty minutes, that's abuse. If you walk around every day thinking that everything you do in your normal life is going to trigger a fight with your partner, that's abuse. You're in a relationship, not a prison. If your partner hates everything you do, sprint out of that relationship as fast as you can.
5. Not supporting your successes: A partner is like a best friend, in that they are meant to elevate you and make you feel better about yourself. You should be growing with them, and feeling at peace with them. When you achieve something, they are supposed to share your pride and encourage you to continue to strive. When you are down, they are supposed to comfort you with uplifting advice and affection. If your partner is putting down your accomplishments or ever making you feel like a lesser person, they're toxic. If they're judging you when you're down and blaming you for things when you're low, they're toxic. Toxic people want to strip away all the good things in your life that make you whole, so that they can make you feel like they're the only one who loves you. If they take away the people and things that you love, they have the power of being the only thing you can turn to.
So I hope this helps people. Never settle, and always know your worth. Be with someone who makes you feel like you can do anything, and wants to experience all that life has to offer, together. Be with someone who loves you for who you already are, and supports you in all that you do. Wait for a real, true, mature love. It's worth it, and so are you...
-Jason Burke
1. Being scolded for having friends: This one is the most common in toxic partners. People that are toxic in relationships are often very possessive, and want your attention entirely on them. So they'll get extremely angry or jealous when you go to spend time with a friend. Our friends help us through tough times and make up a part of who we are in our memories and experiences. Our partners should love us for having friends, and be happy that we have people in our lives that care about us. The toxic partners will try to take those away and make you feel guilty for being around them, because they want you to be entirely dependent on them alone.
2. Being spoken to disrespectfully: Having arguments in relationships is totally healthy. No two people will ever agree on every single issue. But as adults, we must always be respectful of others' feelings and cognizant of their tender spots. A toxic partner is one that will start swearing at you, being very aggressive, and taking low shots at things that you're sensitive about. Toxic people want the upper hand, and they'll do or say irrational things to get that advantage. They'll store up a list of your faults and use your shortcomings against you, and then apologize later as they try to rationalize why they said it, and deflect the blame onto you. This process repeats itself in any point of contention, so the more passive partner just gives in because they want to avoid a fight. This is verbal and emotional abuse, and can be often times just as harmful (or worse) than physical abuse.
3. Only doing what one partner wants to do: Functional relationships thrive on compromise, a healthy give-and-take between two open-minded people who want to experience the things that the other loves. This can't be a one-sided construct. So if one partner is a homebody and the other is a social butterfly, it takes work to occasionally leave your comfort zone to appease your partner. That butterfly shouldn't be forced to sit in the house every night, and that homebody shouldn't always be drug to the bar. You should be able to converse about how to alternate these activities so that neither partner has to sacrifice who they are or feel stifled. Also, you should be able to do things on occasion without your partner. A couple doesn't have to be attached at the hip 24/7. Independence and separate hobbies/friends is healthy concept.
4. Having to change your behavior: Positive relationships will help you to learn a lot about yourself and evolve. You'll find things out about yourself and your partner that you love, and some that you don't like. So you'll work together through kind communication to be a better person for yourself and for your loved one. But if you're having to cease a normal lifestyle because your partner will fight with you, that's where the unhealthy abuse comes in. If you have to check in every hour, that's abuse. If you can't go out for coffee with family or sit in silence for a twenty minutes, that's abuse. If you walk around every day thinking that everything you do in your normal life is going to trigger a fight with your partner, that's abuse. You're in a relationship, not a prison. If your partner hates everything you do, sprint out of that relationship as fast as you can.
5. Not supporting your successes: A partner is like a best friend, in that they are meant to elevate you and make you feel better about yourself. You should be growing with them, and feeling at peace with them. When you achieve something, they are supposed to share your pride and encourage you to continue to strive. When you are down, they are supposed to comfort you with uplifting advice and affection. If your partner is putting down your accomplishments or ever making you feel like a lesser person, they're toxic. If they're judging you when you're down and blaming you for things when you're low, they're toxic. Toxic people want to strip away all the good things in your life that make you whole, so that they can make you feel like they're the only one who loves you. If they take away the people and things that you love, they have the power of being the only thing you can turn to.
So I hope this helps people. Never settle, and always know your worth. Be with someone who makes you feel like you can do anything, and wants to experience all that life has to offer, together. Be with someone who loves you for who you already are, and supports you in all that you do. Wait for a real, true, mature love. It's worth it, and so are you...
-Jason Burke
Thursday, July 12, 2018
Finding Your Passions
Happiness. That's the goal of life. That's the number one path that we all aspire to. That's the reason I write this self-help blog. It's an elusive dangling carrot that hangs just out of reach for a lot of us. There are a million avenues to find happiness, but how? How do we connect with the peaceful and joyful emotions that make us feel truly elated? One of the most important ways, is to find the things you love.
We all make career choices. Some of us are thrust into our careers by being placed into hobbies at a young age, or being asked to follow in the footsteps of our parents' family business. Others choose their jobs based on what they're naturally good at. Some just go where the cash is. But whether it's a 9-5 money-maker or a time consuming side hobby, we need to fill our space with things that fill our hearts. Those things you think about from the time you open your eyes in the sunlight, to the time your head hits the pillow in the darkest night. The things you take random notes on during the day, that you can't wait to clock out and rush home to do.
As we grow, we start to gain personalities and voices of our own. We live life, and we experience many different things. When we connect to one of those things, we are shaken to our core and magnetically drawn to those activities. Finding your passions is perhaps the most important (and understated) way to finding happiness. Life will have it's drawbacks, chores, and concerns, no matter what. But doing what you love provides so many values in self-help. It's good for morale, stress, productivity, and mental stimulation.
So many people put off these things because they're "too busy" and they'll "get to them when they have time". What are you waiting for? Happiness is just as important as all the tasks you're pushing it off for. Life is a speedy clock, draining years from our youth in seconds. Pursue what you love, and find your voice. You deserve to be happy and feel worthwhile. Experience as many places, cultures, hobbies, and people as you can. Learn from it all, and balance your life so that you have at least a few minutes in every day to be edified, growing, and joyful inside the things that make up who you are. The things you love are a major piece of your upbringing and your personality. And those pieces need nourished and worked on as much (if not more) than your bank account, your house, and your job.
Life is a collection of moments and experiences. Don't lose the most important ones filling a quota instead of being happy with the things you enjoy. Love yourself, and each other. Until next time,
-Jason
We all make career choices. Some of us are thrust into our careers by being placed into hobbies at a young age, or being asked to follow in the footsteps of our parents' family business. Others choose their jobs based on what they're naturally good at. Some just go where the cash is. But whether it's a 9-5 money-maker or a time consuming side hobby, we need to fill our space with things that fill our hearts. Those things you think about from the time you open your eyes in the sunlight, to the time your head hits the pillow in the darkest night. The things you take random notes on during the day, that you can't wait to clock out and rush home to do.
As we grow, we start to gain personalities and voices of our own. We live life, and we experience many different things. When we connect to one of those things, we are shaken to our core and magnetically drawn to those activities. Finding your passions is perhaps the most important (and understated) way to finding happiness. Life will have it's drawbacks, chores, and concerns, no matter what. But doing what you love provides so many values in self-help. It's good for morale, stress, productivity, and mental stimulation.
So many people put off these things because they're "too busy" and they'll "get to them when they have time". What are you waiting for? Happiness is just as important as all the tasks you're pushing it off for. Life is a speedy clock, draining years from our youth in seconds. Pursue what you love, and find your voice. You deserve to be happy and feel worthwhile. Experience as many places, cultures, hobbies, and people as you can. Learn from it all, and balance your life so that you have at least a few minutes in every day to be edified, growing, and joyful inside the things that make up who you are. The things you love are a major piece of your upbringing and your personality. And those pieces need nourished and worked on as much (if not more) than your bank account, your house, and your job.
Life is a collection of moments and experiences. Don't lose the most important ones filling a quota instead of being happy with the things you enjoy. Love yourself, and each other. Until next time,
-Jason
Tuesday, June 26, 2018
Art Completes Your Heart
So right off the bat, I'll acknowledge that this title is beyond cheesy. But the adage rings true, now more than ever in the hustle and bustle of a busy, restless world. We all know about the basic human tenants that we must consume to survive: water, air, etc. But what we don't often think about, is where we'd be without a necessity like art.
Because of the state of today's economy, most of us are forced to log more work hours in than ever before to survive. Some people work copious amounts of overtime, some have two jobs, and some make up extra work from home. The problem is, some of us get so caught up in working tireless hours, that we forget what it is we're working FOR. We work to be comfortable, to fulfill the requirements of the bills, to stash some cash away for emergencies, and to have a little spare change so we can enjoy ourselves. But with those long hours, comes a huge sense of stress and sometimes a lack of fulfillment.
Now, this entry isn't some "everyone quit your jobs" PSA. That would be crazy. Money is a necessity, and things like houses/cars/food/clothes aren't attained without it. What I am trying to get across here, is somewhat of a solution to the age old conundrums that the overworked and overtired often ask themselves: "Is there more to life than this?" "Why do I feel so trapped?" "Who am I, aside from work?". Sometimes, those answers are found in the things you do outside of your 9-5 walls.
Art not only provides a sense of greater and deeper identity, but also relieves stress by putting you in your comfortable environment, spending time excelling at things you enjoy doing. It brings out your creativity and passion, and raises your focus and thirst for knowledge. It comes in many forms: actors, painters, sculptors, musicians, writers, producers, small business owners, designers, planners, etc. Making time to ply your craft at those things is just as important as water or air in the long run.
At the end of the day, your legacy is made up of the things and people you love. When people tell their favorite stories of us, it almost always involves our hobbies and passions. The things we create (songs, movies, blogs, books, businesses) are the things we cared most about, and the things we leave behind for others to enjoy long after we're gone. And lord knows, in today's scary and divided world, everyone could use more positive and entertaining distractions.
So find time to dive into your favorite side-gigs. Pick up that instrument you put down years ago. Fight through fatigue to read or write after work, even if it's for just a few minutes per day. You'll feel a greater sense of self-worth, and you'll find an uplifting explosion of accomplishment for putting something beautiful into the world. You are MORE than where you work. You have other things to give. You deserve it, even if free time is hard to come by. The benefits are endless. After all, you can't spell heart without 'art'.
Because of the state of today's economy, most of us are forced to log more work hours in than ever before to survive. Some people work copious amounts of overtime, some have two jobs, and some make up extra work from home. The problem is, some of us get so caught up in working tireless hours, that we forget what it is we're working FOR. We work to be comfortable, to fulfill the requirements of the bills, to stash some cash away for emergencies, and to have a little spare change so we can enjoy ourselves. But with those long hours, comes a huge sense of stress and sometimes a lack of fulfillment.
Now, this entry isn't some "everyone quit your jobs" PSA. That would be crazy. Money is a necessity, and things like houses/cars/food/clothes aren't attained without it. What I am trying to get across here, is somewhat of a solution to the age old conundrums that the overworked and overtired often ask themselves: "Is there more to life than this?" "Why do I feel so trapped?" "Who am I, aside from work?". Sometimes, those answers are found in the things you do outside of your 9-5 walls.
Art not only provides a sense of greater and deeper identity, but also relieves stress by putting you in your comfortable environment, spending time excelling at things you enjoy doing. It brings out your creativity and passion, and raises your focus and thirst for knowledge. It comes in many forms: actors, painters, sculptors, musicians, writers, producers, small business owners, designers, planners, etc. Making time to ply your craft at those things is just as important as water or air in the long run.
At the end of the day, your legacy is made up of the things and people you love. When people tell their favorite stories of us, it almost always involves our hobbies and passions. The things we create (songs, movies, blogs, books, businesses) are the things we cared most about, and the things we leave behind for others to enjoy long after we're gone. And lord knows, in today's scary and divided world, everyone could use more positive and entertaining distractions.
So find time to dive into your favorite side-gigs. Pick up that instrument you put down years ago. Fight through fatigue to read or write after work, even if it's for just a few minutes per day. You'll feel a greater sense of self-worth, and you'll find an uplifting explosion of accomplishment for putting something beautiful into the world. You are MORE than where you work. You have other things to give. You deserve it, even if free time is hard to come by. The benefits are endless. After all, you can't spell heart without 'art'.
Saturday, May 26, 2018
Your Only Obstacle Is...You
As a self-help blogger who prides himself on normally being a positive guy, I'm sometimes embarrassed to put my weaker moments on paper. But I, like anyone else, have those days. You know, those days, where everything seems to be stacking up on you. The more you try to get done, the more work starts to mount. The more you need to do, the more exhaustion starts rearing its ugly head. There isn't enough coffee or candy on the planet to propel you out of your seat to start on task number one.
But here's the thing, it's just a day. You've had days like that before...and you got through them. It seemed like you'd never come out the other side, and now, those stressful moments are just stories that end with "I can't believe I got over that." Life's inherently unfair, and sometimes even unrelenting, but there are lessons and eventual triumphs that come with those impossible days. Most times, that lesson is to believe in yourself just a little more. You're just a little stronger than you think.
I'm disabled (or maybe just "abled" a bit slower than others) with cerebral palsy, so I travel with Access. For those unfamiliar, Access is a shared-ride cab system for select senior citizens and the slowly "abled" that drives you to where you need to go. I can't count the amount of times that I've slumped into the Access car on a Monday morning, devoid of any energy and feeling like the day ahead weighed ten tons. Then a 90 year old person who can barely walk and needs an apparatus to breathe gets in the car, smiling from ear to ear. They're in pain and need help to achieve the most basic of functions, yet you could never tell by their demeanor. They sit in the car and share stories about their many experiences, about life and love, and suddenly I understand why they smile in spite of their shortcomings. And I understand why they were put in my life on a gloomy Monday.
It's easy to stop. To blame others when things go wrong. To be too tired, too old, too weathered and worn. But some of life's oldest proverbs ring very true. Somebody always has it worse than you, no matter how bad your bubble convinces you that things are. And failure is only failure when you stop trying. So many times that we've failed, it's not that we couldn't do something right, it's the WAY we take the result. We only failed because we let ourselves feel defeated instead of learning something from it, and thirsting to be better.
Your mood, your drive, and the way you perceive your failures...those are the things weighing you down. Those are what keep your mind racing awake at night, and grasp you in a constant loop of stress. You're standing in your own way, choosing to put off tasks or decisions that would make tomorrow so much brighter than today. Today's mountain is tomorrow's conquering story. So take a lesson from those days you thought you could never get through. Believe in yourself just a little bit more. Slowly, work at it. Think about what you've overcome. You're a lot stronger than you think.
-Jason Burke
Wednesday, March 7, 2018
Showing Love...Unconditionally
Just a few weeks ago, the Hallmark holiday of love passed us by. But while Valentine's Day can be a great reminder to show/give love to those important to you, that shouldn't stop you from doing these things daily. Don't wait for a stop on the calendar to remind those who are engrossed in your life that you care for and appreciate them. Having people who truly care for you is rare, and should be the most cherished gift on this planet. Time, attention, and love are far more precious than a monetary present, and you don't have to break the bank to show appreciation for those you care about. Here are a few simple ways to show love to the important people in your life.
1. The Friendship Sense
Everyone should be lucky enough to have at least one of these kinds of people in their lives. The person who can just tell when things are "off". When you seem down, your phone suddenly lights up with a "hey, you seem different today, what's up?". You've built such a rapport with some people, that they intrinsically know when things are amiss. People are often too proud to reach out when things aren't going their way, or they feel like a burden if they start to complain too much, because they don't want to bring you down. So if someone's text patterns are off, their energy seems low, or they've just been through a trauma, reach out and remind them that you're there. Don't push in case they need space, but just remind them that you love them and are there if they need anything. Simply being present is one of the deepest and most appreciated forms of love you can show.
2. Random Check-Ins
Sometimes, a mundane day can be instantly uplifted when you hear from someone who's dear to you. A simple "how have you been?" or a random meme tag can spread a smile across someone's face. These things take almost no effort, but they can mean the world to the recipient.
3. "Thinking Of You" Gifts
Much like number 2 on our list, these little thoughts go a long way. These gifts don't need to be a filet mignon or a diamond necklace, they just need to encompass the right amount of mind and heart. If you're out at the store and you see something that reminds you of a loved one, pick it up (if you have the money). Whether it's a movie you saw together, a silly stuffed version of their favorite animal, or the newest work of their favorite author, it shows personal effort and conscious thought. It awakens charming memories and will make both parties of the relationship grow in fondness.
4. Sacrificial Meet-Ups
Life, all too often, gets in the way. We keep saying we need to hang out with people, but one thing or another prevents it from happening. Actively setting dates to hang out (and KEEPING those dates) is an important part of our relationships and our sanity. No matter how tired we are, sometimes cleaning the house or sleeping that extra hour can be put off in favor of bonding. Whether it's a small escape out for coffee or wine, or calling your loved one with an abrupt "I know you've been sad, turn off the TV. We're going out, I'll pick you up in a half hour", these moments become etched in our minds as far more important than the things we put them off for. Even if this happens for just one hour per week, it'll make your friendships stronger and your stress dampen.
Hopefully these quick tips have helped you recall some dear people in your lives, and light a fire under you to show unconditional love to some people you may not see as much as you like. These things don't take much time or money, but after all, love is the reason we're all here. Stay blessed everyone. Until next time, love yourselves, and each other.
-Jason Burke
1. The Friendship Sense
Everyone should be lucky enough to have at least one of these kinds of people in their lives. The person who can just tell when things are "off". When you seem down, your phone suddenly lights up with a "hey, you seem different today, what's up?". You've built such a rapport with some people, that they intrinsically know when things are amiss. People are often too proud to reach out when things aren't going their way, or they feel like a burden if they start to complain too much, because they don't want to bring you down. So if someone's text patterns are off, their energy seems low, or they've just been through a trauma, reach out and remind them that you're there. Don't push in case they need space, but just remind them that you love them and are there if they need anything. Simply being present is one of the deepest and most appreciated forms of love you can show.
2. Random Check-Ins
Sometimes, a mundane day can be instantly uplifted when you hear from someone who's dear to you. A simple "how have you been?" or a random meme tag can spread a smile across someone's face. These things take almost no effort, but they can mean the world to the recipient.
3. "Thinking Of You" Gifts
Much like number 2 on our list, these little thoughts go a long way. These gifts don't need to be a filet mignon or a diamond necklace, they just need to encompass the right amount of mind and heart. If you're out at the store and you see something that reminds you of a loved one, pick it up (if you have the money). Whether it's a movie you saw together, a silly stuffed version of their favorite animal, or the newest work of their favorite author, it shows personal effort and conscious thought. It awakens charming memories and will make both parties of the relationship grow in fondness.
4. Sacrificial Meet-Ups
Life, all too often, gets in the way. We keep saying we need to hang out with people, but one thing or another prevents it from happening. Actively setting dates to hang out (and KEEPING those dates) is an important part of our relationships and our sanity. No matter how tired we are, sometimes cleaning the house or sleeping that extra hour can be put off in favor of bonding. Whether it's a small escape out for coffee or wine, or calling your loved one with an abrupt "I know you've been sad, turn off the TV. We're going out, I'll pick you up in a half hour", these moments become etched in our minds as far more important than the things we put them off for. Even if this happens for just one hour per week, it'll make your friendships stronger and your stress dampen.
Hopefully these quick tips have helped you recall some dear people in your lives, and light a fire under you to show unconditional love to some people you may not see as much as you like. These things don't take much time or money, but after all, love is the reason we're all here. Stay blessed everyone. Until next time, love yourselves, and each other.
-Jason Burke
Sunday, January 21, 2018
Restoring Energy
Far too often, we make our problems seem worse than they actually are. "Making a mountain out of a molehill", our parents would warn us. The inability to think clearly, and the ease it takes to get entirely overwhelmed is a far too common issue that keeps us from solving our dilemmas. Most times, that comes from us not giving ourselves the proper attention. By putting ourselves first on occasion, we can restore the energy we've been lacking to tackle life's doldrums. Here are some common examples of times when we need to reflect, that would make our lives a whole lot easier.
1. Friends Issues:
This is the most common of the examples of overloading ourselves. It's always important to be a good friend and put in effort to aid others. But there are things we must identify for ourselves to make sure we're not neglecting ourselves in the process. Firstly, is this a true friend? Are they someone that makes you feel elevated and proud? Do they put effort into you? If this person is always blaming you for their choices, or you're coming away from hangouts with them feeling heavy and stressed, they're toxic. Those kinds of people will ALWAYS have problems and be surrounded by drama, because that's what they enjoy. Do not throw yourself into the middle of those storms, because they'll judge you for your advice and make you feel like the center of the problem.
However, if they are a true friend, it's a lovely and caring gesture to be at their side through their trauma. Order pizza, have a drink, watch some movies, and talk it out. But empaths often know the haunting side to being TOO involved. The saying goes "you can't pour from an empty cup". Meaning if you are denying yourself to spend all your time solving someone else's pain, you'll never get through yours. Friendship requires sacrifice, but work together to set some schedules so that you both are getting the rest and care you need. Once your energy depletes, you become irritable, scattered, and even sometimes resentful of the things that took it away. Know your limits.
2. Over-Working:
Work is a necessary evil. It's not only good from a financial standpoint, but also in keeping our minds and bodies productive. Having the drive to want to work and climb the ladder to success is a wonderful trait. But...know your limits. Sure, in this economy, we all need the money. But never work so hard that you no longer remember what you're working for. Sometimes it's okay to go out with your family for a nice dinner on your day off, or turn down overtime to go home and fall asleep while binge-watching your favorite comfort show. Enterprising is positive, but give yourself time to turn your brain off. Appreciate the work you put in, and reward yourself with a fun hangout or a long bath. If you can't enjoy anything other than work, then you're working too much.
3. Organize and Plan:
So your financial situation is marred in debt. You've got school loans, a car part to fix, and you're saving for a house. The first thing you'll do is panic. Solvency feels like it'll never come. The same example can be applied to a new homeowner with a thousand things to plan, a new mother on no sleep who wants to go back to school, or an artist who's buried in projects that are unfinished. These tasks seem daunting and impossible, but they aren't. Put your focus on one thing at a time. It's hard, but compartmentalizing is a skill that pays back in spades. The second you make a list, a little stress lifts. You go after one task, and you feel good for attacking your problems. You ask around and make the proper phone calls, and see what aid may be available to you. Suddenly you feel a new sense of pride and accomplishment rising, and your self-worth and energy starts to return. Set a plan, follow through, and ask for help if needed. Right away, the impossible becomes possible.
4. You Can Say No:
The kind-hearted souls devouring this blog have a hard time saying 'no' to anyone. That goes for friends (see above), family, loans, or valuable time. Saying no is one of the hardest things for a self-sacrificial empath to do, but it's completely paramount to a healthy lifestyle. If you start to make time for yourself, your energy starts to restore instantly. Set it up so that you can stay in the shower for an extra 10 minutes, or sleep in for another hour on the weekend. Instead of over-booking yourself, forcing your body to give everything to everyone, handle that conversation via text after you finish a chapter of a good book. Put off catching up on e-mail for an hour while you write or draw...it's not going anywhere. You'll feel more well-rounded, more proud, and more calm. People that truly love you will understand that you need a night to yourself to recover. The energy you get will help you give out more coherent, heartfelt, positive, work or advice to others down the road. To help others, you must first be in a good place yourself.
I hope these steps in restoring energy were helpful, and I hope your goals for the new year are off to a hot start. Love yourselves, and each other. See you soon,
-Jason Burke
1. Friends Issues:
This is the most common of the examples of overloading ourselves. It's always important to be a good friend and put in effort to aid others. But there are things we must identify for ourselves to make sure we're not neglecting ourselves in the process. Firstly, is this a true friend? Are they someone that makes you feel elevated and proud? Do they put effort into you? If this person is always blaming you for their choices, or you're coming away from hangouts with them feeling heavy and stressed, they're toxic. Those kinds of people will ALWAYS have problems and be surrounded by drama, because that's what they enjoy. Do not throw yourself into the middle of those storms, because they'll judge you for your advice and make you feel like the center of the problem.
However, if they are a true friend, it's a lovely and caring gesture to be at their side through their trauma. Order pizza, have a drink, watch some movies, and talk it out. But empaths often know the haunting side to being TOO involved. The saying goes "you can't pour from an empty cup". Meaning if you are denying yourself to spend all your time solving someone else's pain, you'll never get through yours. Friendship requires sacrifice, but work together to set some schedules so that you both are getting the rest and care you need. Once your energy depletes, you become irritable, scattered, and even sometimes resentful of the things that took it away. Know your limits.
2. Over-Working:
Work is a necessary evil. It's not only good from a financial standpoint, but also in keeping our minds and bodies productive. Having the drive to want to work and climb the ladder to success is a wonderful trait. But...know your limits. Sure, in this economy, we all need the money. But never work so hard that you no longer remember what you're working for. Sometimes it's okay to go out with your family for a nice dinner on your day off, or turn down overtime to go home and fall asleep while binge-watching your favorite comfort show. Enterprising is positive, but give yourself time to turn your brain off. Appreciate the work you put in, and reward yourself with a fun hangout or a long bath. If you can't enjoy anything other than work, then you're working too much.
3. Organize and Plan:
So your financial situation is marred in debt. You've got school loans, a car part to fix, and you're saving for a house. The first thing you'll do is panic. Solvency feels like it'll never come. The same example can be applied to a new homeowner with a thousand things to plan, a new mother on no sleep who wants to go back to school, or an artist who's buried in projects that are unfinished. These tasks seem daunting and impossible, but they aren't. Put your focus on one thing at a time. It's hard, but compartmentalizing is a skill that pays back in spades. The second you make a list, a little stress lifts. You go after one task, and you feel good for attacking your problems. You ask around and make the proper phone calls, and see what aid may be available to you. Suddenly you feel a new sense of pride and accomplishment rising, and your self-worth and energy starts to return. Set a plan, follow through, and ask for help if needed. Right away, the impossible becomes possible.
4. You Can Say No:
The kind-hearted souls devouring this blog have a hard time saying 'no' to anyone. That goes for friends (see above), family, loans, or valuable time. Saying no is one of the hardest things for a self-sacrificial empath to do, but it's completely paramount to a healthy lifestyle. If you start to make time for yourself, your energy starts to restore instantly. Set it up so that you can stay in the shower for an extra 10 minutes, or sleep in for another hour on the weekend. Instead of over-booking yourself, forcing your body to give everything to everyone, handle that conversation via text after you finish a chapter of a good book. Put off catching up on e-mail for an hour while you write or draw...it's not going anywhere. You'll feel more well-rounded, more proud, and more calm. People that truly love you will understand that you need a night to yourself to recover. The energy you get will help you give out more coherent, heartfelt, positive, work or advice to others down the road. To help others, you must first be in a good place yourself.
I hope these steps in restoring energy were helpful, and I hope your goals for the new year are off to a hot start. Love yourselves, and each other. See you soon,
-Jason Burke
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