Love Lost, Is Love Found

There may be nothing more heartbreaking in the world than the end of a relationship. Of all the different tragedies I've spoken about on here, there's something particularly upsetting about lost love. At least in death, we have some type of closure (albeit an uneven one). At least in distance, we can blame the miles between us for not being able to be as active in someone's life. But when there's a breakup, especially an unexpected one, something about it is lingering and unfair, leaving an almost physical pain to go with the emotional one. But as the pain dulls in time, we see that maybe not every effect of a breakup is a terrible one.

We've all been there at least once in our lives. We think we've found our person. Everything seems to cosmically click into place and it all lines up powerfully. We mesh with that person and we even love all their little quirks. We think to ourselves "This person is the one. This person is my person." Then, after months or even years of happiness, they are inexplicably ripped away. They cheated or they changed, or you simply outgrew them. It's a natural order of life, but that doesn't make it any easier. Now you're angry. You feel stupid for being wrong for so long. You feel sad for all the plans that will never happen. You feel empty because your entire daily routine is different now. You feel pain in your heart and restlessness in your mind. You feel like it will never go away. And for a long time, it doesn't.

Now I'm not going to get all Christian on you here. I won't talk about how God had a different plan for you and how He was leading you to your real person. You can rest easy. I'm also not going to spout the old "time heals all wounds" trope, even though it's partially true (to an extent). But what I will say is, that love lost, is love found. What do I mean by that? It's simple. With your partner gone, you have another chance to fall in love with YOU all over again. You have a lot of extra time to devote and love to give, so you can use those to ease the stresses of your own life.

You can focus a little harder on your work to help distract you from the recent changes. You can rediscover hobbies that you'd forgotten about. You can reconnect with old friends who can lighten your burden with similar stories of their own. You get to fill that extra time with all the other things you love, that maybe you'd neglected since your partner didn't share in the joy of them. You get to contemplate your next steps and remember all the things about yourself that you loved. That's the love that you find when you realize that you can count on yourself, too. You aren't one half of a couple, you are one whole you. And that's pretty fantastic.

So take a week to grieve. Feel sad, feel angry, feel melancholy, feel lethargic. Feel, breathe, process, and rest. But then, take the steps to remember who you are. Surround yourself with the things and the people that make you feel PROUD to be you. Then you get to be happy in those quiet moments when you're alone. When you've come to see that love lost, is love found.

-Jason Burke