So 2017 is upon us, and it couldn't have come soon enough. Each one of us has been eager to leave the celebrity sucking, gorilla killing, political dumpster fire that was 2016 behind us for our own reasons. While this past year was rough on society as a whole, it had it's valleys on the personal front for me as well. I had six friends pass away, all under the age of 38. They were also all from the hometown that I grew up in. So I had my fair share of grief and self-loathing, along with the rest of the free world. But the changing of the calendar brings about a new hope, a chance for a fresh start, and another reason for motivation to clean the slate. The chocolate goes in the trash, people suddenly become better at texting, and the gyms fill up as there's a line out the door to get to your favorite treadmill...for about two weeks. While I'd never shout down somebody who aimed to make a true change in their lives, there is a gaping consistency problem with the "New Year, New Me" theory. The more you aim to use 2017 as your reason for improvement, the more you realize you did the same thing with 2016, and 2015, and 2014. You are who you are. The habits and responsibilities you set for yourself will continue to shape you. But I'm not saying hope is lost. I'm saying there are keys to happiness, and if you make a consistent effort to follow them, you won't need a calendar to tell you that you're in a better place. New Year, Same You. But if you work toward these goals, that 'You' can have the best year ever.
1. Keep Your Ears To Yourself
The biggest stresses in our lives are often things that have absolutely nothing to do with us. In a culture of self-centered nature, we tend to get lost in perception. We want to be involved in all of the gossip. We want to have an opinion on everything, and want everyone to hear that opinion. We care how everything looks to others. We care about how everyone else feels about us. Those things have very little benefit, and very high chance for disaster. If you're always concerned with how you're being viewed or what someone else's view of you is, then you don't have a chance to work on yourself. Instead of creating a happy world on Facebook, put that energy into your job. Instead of taking the perfect Snapchat selfie, spend mindless time with family and friends. Someone else's opinion of you is none of your business. The drunk guy dancing at the wedding always has more fun than the person who's too afraid to dance. Why? Because the drunk guy doesn't care who sees him, or what he looks like. While I'm not advocating alcoholism here, I am advocating a world where you focus on doing things for yourself, and working on becoming the best version of yourself. When you're happy and ever-improving, the stress of the surrounding world no longer gets into your heart.
2. Self-Worth; Make Friends With It
The person walking into the room with confidence always tends to get the job or the date faster than the person who sits in the corner with their head down. Why? Because they know their worth. If you're smiling, you're more likely to make others around you smile. If you're negative and upset, you're more likely to drag the room down into the pit of despair. Body language and energy are contagious. Which is exactly why you should love and appreciate what you bring to the table. If you feel under-appreciated at your job, and aren't getting the money or assignments you deserve, respectfully and politely speak up about it. If your significant other is surfing Amazon for purses or checking their Fantasy Football App more than talking to you, tell them you feel neglected. The list goes on. If you don't love and defend yourself, you can't expect anyone else to do it for you. Things like jobs and relationships can make or break a person's mood and lifestyle. But if you are comfortable and confident in what you deserve, you can fight to get further ahead.
3. The Relationship Trap
90% of the population today are in a rush to the altar. Everyone wants to make a mad dash down the aisle with that special someone. But the problem with that is, when you're rushing, your adrenaline is pumping and your eyes aren't fastened on what's around you. We were all taught at a young age that it's commonplace to get married at a young age, buy a house, and start a family. That pressure is exacerbated by the exposure of social media. We all advertise our lives so much and compare ourselves to each other, that we feel that unless we find someone to love us romantically, that we are failing, or lesser than someone else. So we scramble to go on dates, force someone onto us like Cinderella's glass slipper, or feel unlovable when we aren't attached. Everyone's journey is different. Some people get married at 18, others at 35, even some at 60. Don't compare your timeline to others, because you will always find someone better off (and worse off) than you. When you stay with someone who's bad for you because you're afraid to be alone, you put far more drama and stress onto yourself. When you force the wrong person to try and fit when they clearly aren't a match, you end up more disappointed than you began. When you hate yourself for being single, you miss out on learning about yourself and doing things that you personally enjoy. You know when someone is right for you. Stop forcing it or justifying bad excuses, and make the best move for yourself. Live your life, and live it happily for yourself, and that special person will be magnetized to you to peanut butter to jelly.
4. All Work And No Play...
...You know the old adage. Money is perhaps the biggest stress case in today's society. We work for hours on end, losing precious time doing things we'd rather be doing. Work is good. It gives us a career to feel good about, a purpose to fill our days, and money, which is necessary. But money needs to be a means to and end, and not the thing that drives us. Why was it said that "money is the root of all evil"? Because it consumes us, creates greed and gluttony, and takes our focus away from more important things. You need money to pay the bills, mortgage, groceries, ect. So work hard and do your best. But if you're spending 70 hours a week doing it, what's the point. You're making money that you have no time or energy to spend. When you look back at life, you're going to remember the people in it, not the hours spent working. You'll think of the friends and family gatherings that gave you precious memories, not punching the time clock and sitting at a desk. So no matter how challenging it is, make time for people. Send simple reminder texts to brighten people's days. Go out for coffee or dinner or a drink even though you're tired. Call your mother back at night even though you just want to pass out on the couch with Netflix. Give yourself outlets. Those people and places will be there for you long after you've retired from your job.
5. There's No Ship Like Friendship
Friends can be your biggest shelter from any storm. If you're anything like me, the people in your circles are the biggest lifeline in humanity. But like any aspect of life, things can go sour over time. There's a huge stress in staying friends with someone simply because you've known them forever, or because you feel bad for their situation. So just like in a relationship, you begin to give 1,000 chances or make excuses for that person. If someone is more dramatic than happy, it may be time to cut them lose. If they bring you down with negativity and are trapping you in constant arguments, you may have to let them go. I know, it's easier said than done. But the company you keep shapes a major aspect of who you are. People change. Someone you once thought of as a best friend or brother/sister, may be a stranger by this time next year. Everyone comes into your life to teach you a lesson, but not all of them stay. This was my personal cryptonite for years. I never understood that it was okay to change your feelings on someone, or that a relationship could devolve. I lost 6 friends in 2017. Two of which I never got closure or reasoning with. That hurt like crazy for a long time. It happened out of thin air. Two of the others, I went back decades with. But it was needed. I wish them all the best, and I've moved on. And others stepped into their place. I made 42 new close friends this year, and I'm happier than I've ever been in that area. It's okay (and sometimes crucial) to let go if someone is bringing you down. Keep being who you are, and let self-preservation and self-awareness be your guide. Drive out the ones pulling you down, and surround yourself with those that lift you up.
So that's it for the first round, folks. I'm going to be bringing you more self-help articles like this throughout the year, and even further delving into these areas. I hope these helped some of you weed out and find solutions to problems in your life. Recall these throughout the year, and learn to spot these issues when you see them. I guarantee correcting them will lead to a happier lifestyle. It's a new year, but you're still the same you. But grinding in these areas may make 2017 the best year in your life yet. Stay blessed, valued readers!
-Jason Burke
