Finding Your Passions

Happiness. That's the goal of life. That's the number one path that we all aspire to. That's the reason I write this self-help blog. It's an elusive dangling carrot that hangs just out of reach for a lot of us. There are a million avenues to find happiness, but how? How do we connect with the peaceful and joyful emotions that make us feel truly elated? One of the most important ways, is to find the things you love.

We all make career choices. Some of us are thrust into our careers by being placed into hobbies at a young age, or being asked to follow in the footsteps of our parents' family business. Others choose their jobs based on what they're naturally good at. Some just go where the cash is. But whether it's a 9-5 money-maker or a time consuming side hobby, we need to fill our space with things that fill our hearts. Those things you think about from the time you open your eyes in the sunlight, to the time your head hits the pillow in the darkest night. The things you take random notes on during the day, that you can't wait to clock out and rush home to do.

As we grow, we start to gain personalities and voices of our own. We live life, and we experience many different things. When we connect to one of those things, we are shaken to our core and magnetically drawn to those activities. Finding your passions is perhaps the most important (and understated) way to finding happiness. Life will have it's drawbacks, chores, and concerns, no matter what. But doing what you love provides so many values in self-help. It's good for morale, stress, productivity, and mental stimulation.

So many people put off these things because they're "too busy" and they'll "get to them when they have time". What are you waiting for? Happiness is just as important as all the tasks you're pushing it off for. Life is a speedy clock, draining years from our youth in seconds. Pursue what you love, and find your voice. You deserve to be happy and feel worthwhile. Experience as many places, cultures, hobbies, and people as you can. Learn from it all, and balance your life so that you have at least a few minutes in every day to be edified, growing, and joyful inside the things that make up who you are. The things you love are a major piece of your upbringing and your personality. And those pieces need nourished and worked on as much (if not more) than your bank account, your house, and your job.

Life is a collection of moments and experiences. Don't lose the most important ones filling a quota instead of being happy with the things you enjoy. Love yourself, and each other. Until next time,

-Jason

Art Completes Your Heart

So right off the bat, I'll acknowledge that this title is beyond cheesy. But the adage rings true, now more than ever in the hustle and bustle of a busy, restless world. We all know about the basic human tenants that we must consume to survive: water, air, etc. But what we don't often think about, is where we'd be without a necessity like art.

Because of the state of today's economy, most of us are forced to log more work hours in than ever before to survive. Some people work copious amounts of overtime, some have two jobs, and some make up extra work from home. The problem is, some of us get so caught up in working tireless hours, that we forget what it is we're working FOR. We work to be comfortable, to fulfill the requirements of the bills, to stash some cash away for emergencies, and to have a little spare change so we can enjoy ourselves. But with those long hours, comes a huge sense of stress and sometimes a lack of fulfillment.

Now, this entry isn't some "everyone quit your jobs" PSA. That would be crazy. Money is a necessity, and things like houses/cars/food/clothes aren't attained without it. What I am trying to get across here, is somewhat of a solution to the age old conundrums that the overworked and overtired often ask themselves: "Is there more to life than this?" "Why do I feel so trapped?" "Who am I, aside from work?". Sometimes, those answers are found in the things you do outside of your 9-5 walls.

Art not only provides a sense of greater and deeper identity, but also relieves stress by putting you in your comfortable environment, spending time excelling at things you enjoy doing. It brings out your creativity and passion, and raises your focus and thirst for knowledge. It comes in many forms: actors, painters, sculptors, musicians, writers, producers, small business owners, designers, planners, etc. Making time to ply your craft at those things is just as important as water or air in the long run.

At the end of the day, your legacy is made up of the things and people you love. When people tell their favorite stories of us, it almost always involves our hobbies and passions. The things we create (songs, movies, blogs, books, businesses) are the things we cared most about, and the things we leave behind for others to enjoy long after we're gone. And lord knows, in today's scary and divided world, everyone could use more positive and entertaining distractions.

So find time to dive into your favorite side-gigs. Pick up that instrument you put down years ago. Fight through fatigue to read or write after work, even if it's for just a few minutes per day. You'll feel a greater sense of self-worth, and you'll find an uplifting explosion of accomplishment for putting something beautiful into the world. You are MORE than where you work. You have other things to give. You deserve it, even if free time is hard to come by. The benefits are endless. After all, you can't spell heart without 'art'.

Your Only Obstacle Is...You

   

As a self-help blogger who prides himself on normally being a positive guy, I'm sometimes embarrassed to put my weaker moments on paper. But I, like anyone else, have those days. You know, those days, where everything seems to be stacking up on you. The more you try to get done, the more work starts to mount. The more you need to do, the more exhaustion starts rearing its ugly head. There isn't enough coffee or candy on the planet to propel you out of your seat to start on task number one.

But here's the thing, it's just a day. You've had days like that before...and you got through them. It seemed like you'd never come out the other side, and now, those stressful moments are just stories that end with "I can't believe I got over that." Life's inherently unfair, and sometimes even unrelenting, but there are lessons and eventual triumphs that come with those impossible days. Most times, that lesson is to believe in yourself just a little more. You're just a little stronger than you think.

 I'm disabled (or maybe just "abled" a bit slower than others) with cerebral palsy, so I travel with Access. For those unfamiliar, Access is a shared-ride cab system for select senior citizens and the slowly "abled" that drives you to where you need to go. I can't count the amount of times that I've slumped into the Access car on a Monday morning, devoid of any energy and feeling like the day ahead weighed ten tons. Then a 90 year old person who can barely walk and needs an apparatus to breathe gets in the car, smiling from ear to ear. They're in pain and need help to achieve the most basic of functions, yet you could never tell by their demeanor. They sit in the car and share stories about their many experiences, about life and love, and suddenly I understand why they smile in spite of their shortcomings. And I understand why they were put in my life on a gloomy Monday.

It's easy to stop. To blame others when things go wrong. To be too tired, too old, too weathered and worn. But some of life's oldest proverbs ring very true. Somebody always has it worse than you, no matter how bad your bubble convinces you that things are. And failure is only failure when you stop trying. So many times that we've failed, it's not that we couldn't do something right, it's the WAY we take the result. We only failed because we let ourselves feel defeated instead of learning something from it, and thirsting to be better.

Your mood, your drive, and the way you perceive your failures...those are the things weighing you down. Those are what keep your mind racing awake at night, and grasp you in a constant loop of stress. You're standing in your own way, choosing to put off tasks or decisions that would make tomorrow so much brighter than today. Today's mountain is tomorrow's conquering story. So take a lesson from those days you thought you could never get through. Believe in yourself just a little bit more. Slowly, work at it. Think about what you've overcome. You're a lot stronger than you think.

-Jason Burke

Showing Love...Unconditionally

Just a few weeks ago, the Hallmark holiday of love passed us by. But while Valentine's Day can be a great reminder to show/give love to those important to you, that shouldn't stop you from doing these things daily. Don't wait for a stop on the calendar to remind those who are engrossed in your life that you care for and appreciate them. Having people who truly care for you is rare, and should be the most cherished gift on this planet. Time, attention, and love are far more precious than a monetary present, and you don't have to break the bank to show appreciation for those you care about. Here are a few simple ways to show love to the important people in your life.

1. The Friendship Sense

Everyone should be lucky enough to have at least one of these kinds of people in their lives. The person who can just tell when things are "off". When you seem down, your phone suddenly lights up with a "hey, you seem different today, what's up?". You've built such a rapport with some people, that they intrinsically know when things are amiss. People are often too proud to reach out when things aren't going their way, or they feel like a burden if they start to complain too much, because they don't want to bring you down. So if someone's text patterns are off, their energy seems low, or they've just been through a trauma, reach out and remind them that you're there. Don't push in case they need space, but just remind them that you love them and are there if they need anything. Simply being present is one of the deepest and most appreciated forms of love you can show.

2. Random Check-Ins

Sometimes, a mundane day can be instantly uplifted when you hear from someone who's dear to you. A simple "how have you been?" or a random meme tag can spread a smile across someone's face. These things take almost no effort, but they can mean the world to the recipient.

3. "Thinking Of You" Gifts

Much like number 2 on our list, these little thoughts go a long way. These gifts don't need to be a filet mignon or a diamond necklace, they just need to encompass the right amount of mind and heart. If you're out at the store and you see something that reminds you of a loved one, pick it up (if you have the money). Whether it's a movie you saw together, a silly stuffed version of their favorite animal, or the newest work of their favorite author, it shows personal effort and conscious thought. It awakens charming memories and will make both parties of the relationship grow in fondness.

4. Sacrificial Meet-Ups

Life, all too often, gets in the way. We keep saying we need to hang out with people, but one thing or another prevents it from happening. Actively setting dates to hang out (and KEEPING those dates) is an important part of our relationships and our sanity. No matter how tired we are, sometimes cleaning the house or sleeping that extra hour can be put off in favor of bonding. Whether it's a small escape out for coffee or wine, or calling your loved one with an abrupt "I know you've been sad, turn off the TV. We're going out, I'll pick you up in a half hour", these moments become etched in our minds as far more important than the things we put them off for. Even if this happens for just one hour per week, it'll make your friendships stronger and your stress dampen.

Hopefully these quick tips have helped you recall some dear people in your lives, and light a fire under you to show unconditional love to some people you may not see as much as you like. These things don't take much time or money, but after all, love is the reason we're all here. Stay blessed everyone. Until next time, love yourselves, and each other.

-Jason Burke

Restoring Energy

Far too often, we make our problems seem worse than they actually are. "Making a mountain out of a molehill", our parents would warn us. The inability to think clearly, and the ease it takes to get entirely overwhelmed is a far too common issue that keeps us from solving our dilemmas. Most times, that comes from us not giving ourselves the proper attention. By putting ourselves first on occasion, we can restore the energy we've been lacking to tackle life's doldrums. Here are some common examples of times when we need to reflect, that would make our lives a whole lot easier.

1. Friends Issues:

This is the most common of the examples of overloading ourselves. It's always important to be a good friend and put in effort to aid others. But there are things we must identify for ourselves to make sure we're not neglecting ourselves in the process. Firstly, is this a true friend? Are they someone that makes you feel elevated and proud? Do they put effort into you? If this person is always blaming you for their choices, or you're coming away from hangouts with them feeling heavy and stressed, they're toxic. Those kinds of people will ALWAYS have problems and be surrounded by drama, because that's what they enjoy. Do not throw yourself into the middle of those storms, because they'll judge you for your advice and make you feel like the center of the problem.

However, if they are a true friend, it's a lovely and caring gesture to be at their side through their trauma. Order pizza, have a drink, watch some movies, and talk it out. But empaths often know the haunting side to being TOO involved. The saying goes "you can't pour from an empty cup". Meaning if you are denying yourself to spend all your time solving someone else's pain, you'll never get through yours. Friendship requires sacrifice, but work together to set some schedules so that you both are getting the rest and care you need. Once your energy depletes, you become irritable, scattered, and even sometimes resentful of the things that took it away. Know your limits.

2. Over-Working:

Work is a necessary evil. It's not only good from a financial standpoint, but also in keeping our minds and bodies productive. Having the drive to want to work and climb the ladder to success is a wonderful trait. But...know your limits. Sure, in this economy, we all need the money. But never work so hard that you no longer remember what you're working for. Sometimes it's okay to go out with your family for a nice dinner on your day off, or turn down overtime to go home and fall asleep while binge-watching your favorite comfort show. Enterprising is positive, but give yourself time to turn your brain off. Appreciate the work you put in, and reward yourself with a fun hangout or a long bath. If you can't enjoy anything other than work, then you're working too much.

3. Organize and Plan:

So your financial situation is marred in debt. You've got school loans, a car part to fix, and you're saving for a house. The first thing you'll do is panic. Solvency feels like it'll never come. The same example can be applied to a new homeowner with a thousand things to plan, a new mother on no sleep who wants to go back to school, or an artist who's buried in projects that are unfinished. These tasks seem daunting and impossible, but they aren't. Put your focus on one thing at a time. It's hard, but compartmentalizing is a skill that pays back in spades. The second you make a list, a little stress lifts. You go after one task, and you feel good for attacking your problems. You ask around and make the proper phone calls, and see what aid may be available to you. Suddenly you feel a new sense of pride and accomplishment rising, and your self-worth and energy starts to return. Set a plan, follow through, and ask for help if needed. Right away, the impossible becomes possible.

4. You Can Say No:

The kind-hearted souls devouring this blog have a hard time saying 'no' to anyone. That goes for friends (see above), family, loans, or valuable time. Saying no is one of the hardest things for a self-sacrificial empath to do, but it's completely paramount to a healthy lifestyle. If you start to make time for yourself, your energy starts to restore instantly. Set it up so that you can stay in the shower for an extra 10 minutes, or sleep in for another hour on the weekend. Instead of over-booking yourself, forcing your body to give everything to everyone, handle that conversation via text after you finish a chapter of a good book. Put off catching up on e-mail for an hour while you write or draw...it's not going anywhere. You'll feel more well-rounded, more proud, and more calm. People that truly love you will understand that you need a night to yourself to recover. The energy you get will help you give out more coherent, heartfelt, positive, work or advice to others down the road. To help others, you must first be in a good place yourself.

I hope these steps in restoring energy were helpful, and I hope your goals for the new year are off to a hot start. Love yourselves, and each other. See you soon,

-Jason Burke

The Value Of Uncluttering

The end of another all-too-fast year is rapidly approaching. The dust from Christmas chaos is starting to settle, and the promises of hope for 2018 are ringing through the air. Back at the start of this year, I wrote a blog called "New Year, Same Me", where I declared that a simple change of the calendar isn't enough to push-start a happier life. Actions are what makes tomorrow a better day. As temperatures drop, complacency begins to set in, which brings with it a whole pile of self-loathing and overwhelming stress. Well, I have one of the biggest and most underrated methods to combat those tired feelings: Uncluttering. 

Uncluttering is a very simple and archaic concept that contains a ton of different benefits. The idea is to clean up certain areas of your life, clinging to the things you love, and letting go of the things that bring you negativity. By organizing your life this way, you're physically making an effort to discard baggage and highlight the things that make you feel joy. This not only increases productivity and gives a better aesthetic look to the world around you, but reduces stress, which aides your physical and mental health. This can be done at any time. When you feel more tidy and organized, you simply feel better about your life. Here are some of the biggest areas you can unclutter right away. 

1. Your House- Certain personality types are known to clean their homes in times of worry. Physical cleaning is the most common type of uncluttering. Being able to look around your home and see a tidy space gives you a sense of pride and adulthood that few other things do. A cluttered house can be one of the biggest senses of dread, especially around a holiday with incoming company. Give away clothes that you never wear or have outgrown. Throw away outdated documents, or receipts from 1993. Organize your junk drawer, and dig to the bottom of your closets. Organizing a space gets the blood flowing and saves a ton of last minute searching when you've lost something. The hardest part is getting started.

2. Your Hobbies- Though these methods can be done any time, this section is often heavily pushed around this time of year. Sometimes our actual jobs can't be controlled due to the necessity of money. But the new year is a great time to get back to those artistic expressions that you've lost through the hectic doldrums of adulthood.  Time is an incredible thing that constantly needs uncluttered. We always promise ourselves that we're going to make time for more of the things we love, yet we never do. Start to schedule time to be creative. Whether it's through writing, music, drawing, athletics, or simply more time to read, having a purpose outside of our jobs is crucial. Making yourself a safe time and space to create is not only a huge stress reliever, but it's a way to sharpen your mind and give yourself another sense of accomplishment. Even if it's only 20 minutes per day. It may be the hardest of the areas to unclutter, because it takes a consistent effort, but the benefits of happiness that come with it are limitless. 

3. Your Relationships- This one is often forgotten about, but is perhaps the most important of the areas to unclutter. You should always take the time to examine the relationships in your life, because people themselves tend to be our biggest harbingers for happiness or frustration. Do this for everyone...family, partners, business colleagues, and friends. Make time to draw those closer to you who make you happy. Even if it's making a late dinner date when you're tired, or sending a ten second text to check up on someone who you appreciate. It makes their day, and it creates a positive flow of dialogue or a warm memory. A good social life is a beautiful ventilation and respite from the labors of life. By the same token, rid yourself of toxic people that drag you into drama or make you feel angry or heavy. As hard as it is, cutting off people who breed negativity is a form of self-love and self-preservation. You may feel bad for that person, but it's better than having a constant pit of stress in your heart. Do the same with social media. Is there a person who you never talk to on Facebook who's always trolling? Unfriend them. That person on Twitter who wants to engage everyone in political debates? Unfollow them. An uncluttered profile, much like an uncluttered life, gets rid of unnecessary stress and allows you to put energy into the people who you truly care about. 

Taking these simple steps will increase your mood, your body, and your spirit instantly. I wish you all a happy and uncluttered life, and a happy and safe holiday season. I'll see you all in 2018. Love yourselves, and be good to each other. 

-Jason Burke

Giving Without Receiving

There was once a farmer, who spent years cultivating the perfect garden. He spent years and years tending to it, only letting the best people near it. It was his heart and soul, the most important pieces of his life. Every morning, he'd come out to check on his corn, his tomatoes, his peppers, etc, in his calming daily routine.

One day, a man came by and asked the farmer if he could borrow his corn. The farmer replied, "Sure! As long as you can bring some back at some point!" The next day, a girl came by and asked if she could borrow the farmer's tomatoes. The farmer replied "Well, I'm feeling a little weary now that my corn is gone, but you seem nice, so sure. Just promise that when you have some tomatoes, you'll bring some back to share with me." She agreed.

The next day, the farmer was looking around at his garden, realizing that it was looking way less full than before. He felt a little empty inside. Just then, a group of people approached the farmer, asking if they may have the rest of his stock. "We're really hungry, and everything looks so good! Would you mind if we each took a share? I'm sure they'll grow back next season!" The farmer replied, "Well, that would totally empty out my once plentiful garden, but I think you'd all enjoy it. So go ahead, I can do without." They responded "We really appreciate it, and we promise to come back one day and replace all we've taken".

None of the people ever returned to the farm. The farmer came out for the next few months, hoping to rebuild his once mighty farm. He looked down, seeing just holes and dirt where the crops used to grow. Another lady approached, and the farmer said "I don't have any crops left to give. They've all been used up. But if you're hungry, I could go see what I have inside." The lady replied, "No, I just wanted to ask you something. I saw all those people take and take from you, with no return. And yet you kept giving. After years and years of hard work, you have nothing to show for it. Why aren't you more upset?"

The Farmer retorted back, "Well, I'm sad to see my crops gone, but people needed them. My hard work fed people and made them happy. Now there are pieces of my heart and soul spread out across a ton of places. Isn't that the point of growing in the first place?"

-Jason Burke